Plea for Your Purse

Hola Ladies,

Today I must use my virtual pulpit to ask for your help in the most dire matter. As you may have heard, one of our own, Roberta Richmann, is laid up in the Spectacular Rapture Pentecostal Hospital due to a tragic fall last Tuesday. Roberta is a dear, dear friend and confidant of mine for the past 14 years. She is a widow, handywoman, & retired psychotherapist (she helped me and Ramon resolve our marital issues back in the 80's during his 'experimental years'). And even though my marriage to Ramon couldn't be more solid if it was made of lead, Roberta and I maintain a close relationship. She is my rock, and last Tuesday she fell off my roof!

In all decency, I will not use the World Wide Web to expose the name of the person who reported me to the Caliche Trails Civic Club for my alleged "Christmas Decor" infraction, however I can guarantee that a certain someone (initials K.G.) will soon be getting an illuminating surprise on her doorstep. I am a very busy woman and putting away my holiday decorations in a 'timely manner' is about as high on my list of to-do's as balancing the National Budget. As many of you know, that dear Roberta is quite the handywoman and she's always willing to help someone in need, so she volunteered to help me take down the decorations from my roof (which were cited in said infraction) so as to help me avoid another citation and possibly a fine! So last Tuesday she insisted on removing the few remaining twinkle lights and plastic Santa Sled and Reindeer, despite my protests and warnings of encroaching high winds. Just that morning, Cal Jenkins, that fella who "predicts" the weather on KBUG had forecast 40 mph gusts and a return to cool weather by sundown. Well Cal, for the first time in his career perhaps, had been right as rain! Roberta was on the roof no less than 10 minutes and was just trying to unplug the lighted Baby Jesus from my Precious Moment's Life-Size Nativity when dark clouds rolled in from nowhere. Even the 80-foot pines surrounding my ranch style were whipping in the wind. Suddenly, Roberta got caught by a gust and she started tottering toward the edge of the roof, clutching the Baby Jesus (you know how steep those ranch style roofs can be). I hollered up at her to "Just lie down! Lie down! Let the Baby Jesus hang!" but Roberta is so hard-headed. Well the very next thing I heard was her head as it crashed down on my Yellow-Rose-of-Tyler rose bushes...and hard!

Dr. Dwight Hunter at Spectacular Rapture said that Roberta has fractured her femur (leg bone) in three places and she would have broken her hip if the Baby Jesus hadn't broken her fall. Thank God in His Infinite Wisdom for Precious Moments! Anyway, you all know that Roberta is a widow and it will be hard for her to keep up with her 'Odd One-Woman Jobs' business til she's out of that wheelchair. So Inez Lopez and her sewing circle, The Needling Neighbors, have created a Bingo Bag Fundraiser to offset the exorbitant hospital bills. The ladies, under the masterful guidance of Inez Lopez (see picture) have made 42 Bingo Bags, each is a one-of-a-kind and is so lovely and a steal at nineteen dollars. The drawstring bag holds up to 12 daubers, your scotch tape, pens, your billfold, keys, gum and sundries, and yes, even your lucky Troll doll!

So you be a doll and buy one today. 95% of the proceeds will go to helping Roberta get back on her feet...literally! Contact Inez or me and we'll bring your bag to next Friday's game.

Here are the names of last week's winners:

$5 prizes go to: Deidre Streslecki, Erin Moorehead
$10 prizes go to: Jenny Hill, Gloria Weiss
$20 prizes go to: Gabriella Carrillo, Kiki Goldstein
And the $25 grand prize goes to Alma Rodriguez

Til next time "ladies", eyes down.

"Bingo" Betty Sanchez